Have you ever seen the ad and said to yourself, "This product looks fun, but I really like the option to test it before buying it ? "?
"Probably not, but I need some hypothetical scenarios to get us started.
If you don't like it, make up a better one.
Yes, that's what I think.
Anyway, I went recently and it was a major station in the "commercial waste live broadcast with overpriced sales" circuit and sampled products worth more than $12,000.
I don't want to spoil anything, but the price is too high.
According to complaints from people reading my column, eye pain is a modern epidemic.
But if you have a $250 back-up and don't mind looking like an unused extra, you can fight it.
Air pressure and heat considered to "stimulate 20 acupoint massage" and "["]Decrease]
To keep your eyes healthy and beautiful, wrinkles "as these products are sold with badepisode.
In fact, when the birds are playing through the headphones, it feels like a warm robot is stimulating you.
This relaxing sound is offset by the snoring and hum of the machine, suggesting that birds are fed through a meat grinder. The five-
One minute meeting gave me a headache for 20 minutes, which is either a sign of a problem with the massage product or a lack of impression of the first shot in the robot revolution.
You might laugh at the latter theory, but looking at the disturbing sight of a row of people using them, try to tell me that the machine has no plans.
Competing products "produce micro
Current through multiple frequencies of hi-
Technology IC chip focusing on important acupuncture points of eyes and brain.
"Apart from other questionable and unproven claims, this should relax the brain, enhance memory and improve vision. And get this --
It stimulates blood flow and increases oxygen supply! Wow!
Science is not my strong point, but I think their description translates into "no one can bother to prove this when this machine uses electricity, so suck some buzzwords!
"Smart, living eye massager, go there.
Feel free to use "headache" if you are looking for a new endorsement"
But not as stupid as other products on the market.
"This should create a micro
Flow of cash flow.
5 Hot New Trends in vibration fitness (
Based on my limited understanding of sports, there was a Nintendo game about a few years ago)is vibration.
The three products promise to lose weight through vibration and I have tried all of them as part of my constant quest to replace fruit with Froot Loops and stay healthy.
The first is $1,000, a simple vibration minimalist board.
Their Booth shows a charming young woman doing the vague, uncertain exercises you see in a commercial, but the employees are not moving apart from "completely still, as Graboids approachups, maybe?
"It doesn't stop them from claiming that you can take a few minutes a day to get used to it, a claim that has caused controversy in bothand common sense.
If science is on your side and you don't need to make a commercial film, in which a sexy young rich couple acts like they're about to make a porn film, then treat the plate as a novelty.
Obviously if I really want to work out, I should dance sexy in formal attire.
Next I tried the DZT full body fitness vibration which is the same thing but with the handle.
Their brochure promises that I can reach my fitness goal within "10 minutes a day! !
"While I think this may be my goal, I doubt whether the average consumer will be satisfied.
Their booth is even more exaggerated, claiming that 30 minutes a week is a necessary condition to stop you from eating qidas --
Induced heart disease
If a 30 minute vibration keeps you healthy, then the only fitness trend in the world is masturbation, which doesn't cost $2,600 to do so. Yeah, .
But they have a $900 special program ".
That is not sales;
It's an admission that you're selling a large chunk of overpriced plastic that is stuffed with a couple of dildo batteries.
Also, both DZT and Maxburn made me sick after a few minutes of use.
It's like using a motion sickness simulator in an earthquake.
Finally, Hypervibe for $1,900.
The value and name it lacks doesn't sound like a sex toy of the future, and it makes up for the lack of an honest salesgirl.
She made it clear that I had to work hard to get results, which made me wonder how she found herself "throwing money on your problem, not finding a real solution!
The world of advertising.
Anyway, she taught me some of the right moves and that's why there's this picture of me sticking out my ass.
The back plus 3-in-1 massager looks like something went wrong with the life jacket.
I was told it was great for my neck and shoulders and then let me go and play.
When your device promises three benefits, but your sales promotion ()
I can only focus on two and you will have some questions for your prospects that you really don't want them to answer on their own.
Where is the mysterious third massage point?
Is it a place that can't be said in public?
Its "Magic 3D Massage Roller "(
Relative to the flat roller? )
Sore my neck, continuing the trend of so-called soothing advertising products, makes me more painful than at the beginning.
It's not an unreasonable price for 150 yuan, except it looks ridiculous. . . . . .
They urgently need to improve their sales skills.
The salesman tried to convince me that it was great to tell me to relax after 8 --
He thought a little disdainful that I often took part in the one-hour video game marathon.
Of course, I like games, but I also like to contribute to civilization.
When your sales pitch is, "Hey, parasitic nerd, come and ease your poor body simply because of your stupid obsession, it's been deformed a long time ago!
"People can't get their wallets at all.
I'm not sure if he doesn't sound funky or if he hates his job and takes it out to his customers.
Anyway, I can only imagine what his other balls look like.
"Sorry, madam!
You look like a lot of iced Dick, and I bet it's rough for your neck!
"Sir, you gave me the impression of the kind of person who never knew love.
When you cry on another long night, my product can simulate the touch of a loved one! " "Hey! Lady!
Don't walk away from me! f**k you!
Give me your money!
Oh ! ! "3 Dr.
He's pain treatment system
He Hong has been selling his pulse pads relentlessly for many years.
If they did half what he claimed, the world would have long forgotten the notion of suffering.
I told the rude waiter that my neck was sore thanks to the three in one massager.
She patted the sticky mat and handed me the control unit and walked away without giving me instructions.
The controller changes the intensity and frequency of the pulse.
The lower setting felt like the fly buzzing around my neck, so I pulled it to the max.
This is a mistake.
A pattern makes me bump forward as if I were hit repeatedly on my neck.
The other one made my neck and shoulders involuntarily like I was laid by one
Demon who wants me to shrug rudely.
I couldn't find a comfortable environment between "Whisper" and "ghost attack", so I left with more neck pain than when I arrived.
This is despite the fact, Dr.
He claimed to help every disease known to mankind.
The nonsense science of their information sheet-
Y words claims they have helped treat more than 30 diseases, slipping from the disc to fibromyalgia.
I'm sure I could have told them that I was going through a shake of edema in my chest and they would have nodded, patted the cushion on my face and walked away.
They also boasted, "your doctor
Ho can be used frequently as needed. " Does Mrs.
Do you know?
I don't want to spoil your confidence in the advertising industry, but some Dr.
Ho's product has always been due to the fact that the conditions they claim to be completely zero.
But he's a doctor!
There are initials acronyms in the product name! Dr.
More nonsense than cattle farms.
Boldly declare that "scientific proof, it helps to relieve pain and tension, helps to improve blood circulation," and then hides a tiny gray --on-
White disclaimer at the bottom: "statements and products mentioned in this website. . .
Not to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease or condition.
"Usually, if you are so contradictory, the head of the robot will explode. Dr. Ho, you quack.
Don't try to sell the feeling of being slapped for $200, tell me it will help with 5,000 diseases.
When you're doing this, maybe don't mix up the claims of legal medical benefits.
There's a reason you don't see actual medical products setting up ads in strip clubs, which is because they don't feel the need to cover the common sense of the brain with their chest.
Remove the hair of ugly body hair?
Wash it from your flesh with some kind of wand thing!
If nothing else, you must admire the name of the depilation (
We won't appreciate anything else).
Life would be much simpler if everything was so utilitarian.
"My last appointment went well.
I took her to the food supplier and then we went back to my house and had some alcoholic liquid.
After that I put the baby on prev and we had sex.
All this is due to the hair remover removing my ugly arm hair.
"You may have seen it because its ads are constantly playing to remind the audience that they are a hairy mess that can't find love.
What they cover up is that this product is just a fancy heating element that cleans hair in a commercial fire of justice.
So, while it does remove some of the arm hair. . . . . .
It smells bad and makes my skin ache.
Like someone gave me an Indian Burn and after I told them "India" was an outdated term they called me a nerd and gave me a worse term.
The beautiful saleswoman's arm was bare and turned red from showing off, and she assured me that the pain would disappear as the body adapted to it was constantly washed away.
I don't want to play the daily entertainment of the Tokyo Molotov on my body, but instead turn to online reviews to determine if it's worth splitting over $300 to achieve silky --
Society's demands on men are so unfair.
Discover that any hair thicker than a nano tube resists the power of warm metal and breaks my dream of giving myself a Manzilian in a comfortable home.
To make matters worse, it takes an average of 25 minutes for their testers to scrape a leg.
Do you think I have this kind of spare time?
OK, yes, but surely those who insist that they are always too busy to hang out with me will not.
The link to the official website proves that the product works, but they ignore the mention that every lengthy meeting makes you feel and smell like an arson victim.
If you need to hire a clinician to prove that your product performs the basic functions advertised by its name, you will only let people suspect that the defect is lurking in the background.
That's why my comment on my new steak knife didn't read "steak knife cut my steak like it was a year at Yale --long double-
Promise to learn blindly.
Unfortunately, I also cut the plates, the kitchen table and the thin fabric in our reality.
When I looked at the barrier between the world tearing between asunder and the dead, my steak was not eaten, but the dead soldier body of mantolock God flowed onto our plane, laugh at me with its perfectly cut but rapidly cooled exterior.
Steak knife gave me everything I wanted. . .
But what is the price?
Four out of five stars
This massage chair promises to heal my body with magnetic resonance therapy.
What does this mean?
Let's slide from them.
I wouldn't say the magnet wizard, but I think it says, "we'll talk nonsense to cover up the fact.
Adding malt to butter pudding can relieve your stress, but we are not in the pudding business.
"Once you're in a chair, you're in a chair ---
It will kick back and tell you to buckle your ass for some serious relaxation.
I had to wait half an hour for someone else to finish, and while I think they abused their free sample privilege, the terrible fact is that if you want to use the magic layer, you better be ready.
Being massaged by magnisa is like being attacked by lazy octopus.
Your neck, back, arms, and legs are stimulated inconsistently, and your limbs are stuck and released repeatedly, just as the chair is laughing at you.
But it's not as casual as it looks. -
The chair is calculated and then operated on your finger pressure point.
The finger press is Japanese, because "some nonsense about unlocking your energy flow, but it sounds mysterious enough, so we can charge the white masseur on the street twice as much.
"When I looked up, my massage was not over yet and a group of impatient people were forming.
I panicked to press the emergency stop button. -
Think about it, this is a disturbing thing for the massage chair.
It didn't actually lower my leg, forcing me to jump off the chair awkwardly.
When I landed on the floor, I noticed a small label at the back.
This is an interesting disclaimer for the product. It can "lead to improvements in many areas of health and health, such as tension, stiffness, pain, sleep, digestion, and energy levels.
"Oh, sorry," may lead to improvements.
"Well, of course that vague promise is worth it.
But they gave up at the show for just 6,000! What a deal!
Sales reps somehow are more vague about these benefits, and nothing is offered except for constant comparisons with MRI machines.
Buddy, MRIs works because of the analysis results of trained medical professionals.
They are not magic therapeutic pods.
Magnesphere is like an MRI. a pile of ground beef in the trash can is like the best steak in the steak house.
Magnesphere does not technically commit to anything, but implies a commitment to everything, which is more sluggish than the doctoral thesis of a philosophy student.
Itimprove proves every aspect of your health, or it may help you temporarily ignore the panic you feel about investing in your child's college fund to pay for the magical space chair.
It's part of an industry built around people being stupid enough to think it sounds like a good bet.
I won't say that, but I'm pretty sure it is.