Well, we 've all seen government workers raise their heads, but she . . . . . .
A worker at the Royal Canadian Mint was accused of smuggling $180,000 worth of gold in the rectum.
Okay, everybody, relax. Breathe deep. Unclench.
Or like my doctor, the legendary Bernie "big finger" gosevitz won't say, "Mike, you can stop crying now.
The 35-year-old coinage worker, Leston Lawrence, is on trial this week for theft and other charges.
He was accused of sitting on a gold mine.
The evidence included that he had a small bottle of Vaseline in the Royal Company's locker.
Lawrence is from Barry haven, a suburb of Ottawa. His work includes testing the purity of gold coins. Yes, Barrhaven.
Gold is not a bar but a biscuit. sized, 7. 4-
About $6,800 an ounce of "ice hockey" and dozens of coins.
You can design your own pun at will, but this case raises several key questions. 1.
Anyway, how much garbage can a person hide there?
In last December, a Sri Lankan government worker was caught nearly a pound of gold in his rectal cavity.
According to the BBC, the airport police noticed that he was "walking suspiciously ".
Last year, a New Jersey mob was found packing a stolen 25-
A pistol of no light from the sun.
In Vancouver, authorities retrieved a small bottle of "clean" urine from behind a man who tried to beat the drug test at the methadone clinic.
On 2014, a prisoner from the state of Luis Anna was captured while trying to sneak his cell phone into prison in a similar way.
Maybe he forgot to turn off the bell.
A 2012 study by the University of Southern California found a large number of hidden objects, wooden sticks, brooms, sex toys including toothbrushes, deodorant bottles, food, knives, sports equipment, mobile phones, flashlights, wooden sticks, brooms, sex toys including false penis and vibrators, bulbs, nails or other building tools, christmas decorations, fog cans, cocaine bags and more.
Sports equipment? ! Oh, my. Batter up?
Although we have all met anal bureaucracy, most of this is selfish, not bureaucratic . . . . . . This makes us question No. 2.
How much time will civil servants spend deceiving us?
Is rectal gold just a tip? Out-and-
The scope of the theft ranged from Canadian postal employees who admitted stealing gift cards earlier this year to $1 in Ontario.
Boondoggle, 1 billion gas plant.
But the improvisation of many bureaucrats is perfectly legitimate.
For example, the sick leave that can be paid by the bank costs us billions of dollars.
The FBI has an average of 18 people.
2 days a year, compared with 6.
For the rest of us.
Ontario civil servants earn 14% more than private sector civil servants.
Nearly 90% of all levels of government workers enjoy pension plans.
By contrast, the average Joes is 24%.
They retired. Four years ago.
Even the fortress of Private Business, Calgary is not a theft-proof.
Last year, it spent $246,000 in taxes on lights for a treatment plant that changed color based on the speed at which the waste was pumped.
Like CN Tower, except lower.
The plant is known locally as the pooping Palace.
This brings us back subtly to the gold miners accused of the Mint.
Lawrence was arrested after a bank teller suspected of his gold deposit.
The authorities say the rectal package can fool hands. held wands.
The defense believes that Lawrence could have obtained gold legally.
The Mint said it had stepped up security measures.
The case is expected to be decided in November.
Presided over by Judge Peter DodiYes, Doody.
Strobel's column takes place from Monday to Thursday.
@ Postmedia mstrobel