No matter how we think we are sex toys, a topic comes back and forth like an unforgettable warning on the great frontier of sexual exploration: will a woman indulge in her vibrator? It turns out that the answer depends largely on who is asking.
This is a question about a woman who feels dependent on her beloved atmosphere, or is it a jealous lover who is widely quoted and reprinted by Nicole Michael on Your Tango, claiming that after testing a series of vibrators, she was hooked on the famous plug, Hitachi wand.
Cadillac in the "vibrator.
"I will reach a climax and find myself overwhelmed by the shame that a Catholic priest might have.
I'll tell myself that I have to quit, or find another vibrator, or go into a relationship that makes me sexually satisfied, but I'll let the gold stick ride again when the impulse hits, go through the same stigma spiral from DAME: "The newborn baby has an app," and she compares dependence on toys to alcohol abuse;
Both, she writes, make her life unmanageable.
I won't argue that someone continues to do something that makes them feel bad about themselves, but there are disturbing hints in Michael's article.
How about masturbation-
To book Sex for herself and the founder/sex coach at the Toronto sex toy store, the first thing we need to look at is the definition of addiction.
She quoted Wikipedia as saying: "Despite the adverse consequences, this state is characterized by forced participation in reward stimuli.
"Forcing can mean a woman is late for work again and again because she is too busy or wants to stay at home instead of going out with friends, a episode of Rabbit vibe in Sex and the city, Charlotte defended herself, said: "This is a vibrator;
It's not like a crack.
Like Michaels, it's natural to get used to using toys, Jansen says, because "there's nothing simpler than the rotation speed of most vibrators.
That doesn't mean she's "addicted ".
"Another possible explanation is that she may feel frustrated when her fingers don't get the same response," explains Jansen . ".
"When we feel depressed or anxious, our bodies move into a" fight or flight "response, and the blood flows out of the purebred tissue.
Without the blood in the area, the orgasm becomes more difficult, which leads to more frustration.
"Again, a woman may just like the thrill.
"Some of us need glasses to see, others need calculators to do math.
"Some of us need a vibrator to reach the climax," Jansen said . ".
One of the biggest problems with the Michael framework is that the vibrator is considered to be "smaller than", so it is shameful to use the vibrator for a long timeterm basis.
She cited Dr. vibrator approvingly, arguing that the vibrator was used against the opposite sex.
Gilda Carr told her, "the use of the vibrator is satisfactory for the time being.
However, this does not satisfy the need for a partner to embrace you, talk to you, empathize with you, and love you.
"Of course, the vibrator will not provide the same emotional support as humans do, but that does not mean that the two are inconsistent --
Or they can't merge.
By judging herself harshly, Michaels suppressed herself from enjoying her toys fully.
"There is no level of happiness --
However, in this article, a vibrator
The induced single orgasm is at the bottom and the partner-
Induced vibrator
"The free climax is the most important thing," said sex toy critic and blogger Epiphora . ".
"Masturbation has no rules, [but] this makes masturbation legal only if you masturbate with your fingers --
When you're single” Exactly.
A woman like Michaels walks around with how much luggage she has and can hardly get rid of how she got off the bus.
If she approached it from a place of shame because she did not do it "correctly", it would naturally feel that it was holding her back.
According to sex educator JoEllen Notte, there is a problem with subtext calling this situation "vibrator addiction.
"We are very worried that women will indulge in vibrators because of irrational fears, because they may replace men," Notte said . ".
"[It] is firmly rooted in the idea that there is a" real "gender, penis and other forms of entertainment in vaginal intercourse not only is it less, but it is also wrong in this case
"On the other hand, women who actively enjoy the use of vibrators, without any problems with their own use, may find their habits attacked by people who do not understand the vibrators.
Lesbian Madeline *, who has been using vibrators for more than 30 years, said she was accused by several lovers of addiction to vibrators.
"I was used to orgasm before I fell asleep most nights.
It was relaxing for me and made me fantasize about naughty things that I couldn't share because I was afraid of being rejected.
A woman gets angry because I masturbate, and another woman thinks I did it with her.
Because of this, she hid the purpose of the vibrator and admitted that "it became a dirty little secret.
Sometimes I feel like I'm cheating.
I always make sure they are happy so it doesn't look like the vibrator is blocking the road.
I feel like a child. she is the adult who accused me of committing some kind of big crime.
But I was nervous about these allegations.
"I feel ashamed and feel that I really have a problem.
Why can't I be satisfied, enjoy the climax with someone, like me and my toys, I must have been screwed up.
She said that the purpose of accepting the vibrator in her life is to relax and appease her extremely high sexual desire, a "long and difficult road", especially in her current marriage, she and her wife have a very different need for sex.
During her extensive treatment, "My perception of myself has changed radically," Madeline now simply accepts her vibrator as a natural part of herself, she won't let anyone try to convince her.
"I don't know about other people, but for me it's just one of those things like curly hair, blue eyes, and homosexuality. It just is.
More information from DAME: "34 things I hope multiple hardening is not shown to me", author Jamye Waxman, "getting off the bus" a woman's masturbation guide, suggested to give up halfway.
Don't succumb to guilt, but see if you two can join forces.
"If the partner says, 'You will never let me get you off in other ways, 'then let the partner try to get you off," said wiksman . ".
"It may take longer to get there, but the climax is the end result and it's about the journey.
So, find a way to travel with your partner and don't make them feel like they are or vibrators.
Madeline's advice to a woman is that the lover tells her to love her vibrator a little too much, "reassure them that they are not doing anything wrong, you just like or need more, you like to play with toys.
"It's also important to remember that, as the sex toys blog kara_sutra points out, while toys may be the fastest and most reliable way to get what you want in bed, they are not just "substitutes" for people ".
Just as "climax equality" is more complicated for you than the simple "one climax, one climax is more complicated for me," we must also recognize that, the human sexual learning curve may be steeper than a sexual toy with only one purpose.
The Buddhist scriptures note, "your lover is not a reader, and we cannot expect them to know what we need.
If you can't orgasm with your partner, it's your responsibility to teach them how to get you to orgasm.
This is not an excuse or reason to abandon them for an atmosphere.
"The wrong expectations actually seem to be at the heart of Michael's problem.
"Men, they come with luggage and occasional bad mood, less guaranteed sexual pleasure than my plug-in
She wrote that her time was a priority for her toys.
Of course, there will be no bad mood for toys.
There's nothing wrong with wanting something that's not wrong. strings-
Enjoy yourself alone (maybe not even talking ).
But it's not fair to expect humans to simply shut up and go to work the way toys do.
So even if it's not an "addiction", extending the use of the vibrator can be a problem for women.
If this woman wants to get off in other ways but doesn't seem to be able to get off, this is a problem, like the caller of Dan Savage Lovecast podcast, she has been using that beloved wand since her teens, or clutch writer Arielle Loren, to maximize other types of feelings, who "broke up" with her vibrator.
But is this not necessarily a problem in itself?
This is a problem that every woman must solve for herself according to her comfort.
Jansen wants women to know that the problem is not just "using a vibrator" but how to use it.
She herself wrote in sex, "it's very tempting to stay there when you find the special location of the vibrator.
[A] Although it feels good, why put it somewhere else? The reason is: repetition will numb your senses.
For example, if a friend or partner rub your arm in the same way for more than a minute, the amazing feeling you initially felt will soon disappear into the background.
"The good news is that there is a good chance that it will be resolved.
Jansen wrote, "If you put the vibrator in one place for a long time, your nerve ends stop responding.
But as long as you keep moving it-even slightly—
Your body will be sensitive to happiness.
In addition, there is a rhythm of the backand-forth, up-and-down, or in-and-
Sports are helpful when reaching a climax.
More information from DAME is: "The night I found my mother on the closet floor", however, changing masturbation habits is not always such a simple process.
Sandra Doherty, the host of podcast nerd Sandra, finds herself at a crossroads.
She was very comfortable using toys and masturbating with her partner, but she felt something was missing.
"I used my wand for a long, long time and I don't think I can reach the climax in any other way.
That's my jam.
I thought my nerve ends were permanently destroyed.
I will try to rub things with my hands or hands.
I thought I was broken and didn't go back.
In order to solve this problem, she is committed to finding new ways.
"When I use a vibrator, I start using my hands, either in series or at the top of each other.
I will lower the speed of the vibrator with my partner.
I began to get used to the other feelings at the ends of these nerves.
It will take a while and some sexual denial;
I don't have a vibrator at all.
I restored all my sensitivity.
While the process took six months, it was totally worth it for Doherty.
"I feel like a superhero.
It's like seeing the world in two colors and then seeing all the colors.
While she said it was a "necessary step" for her, and helped her find that she prefers manual orgasms to toys --
She warned that we should not tell women to drop their toys so quickly.
"It's one thing if it makes it impossible for you to connect with others, but if it makes it impossible for another person to contact you, that's their problem.
* Name changed.