I myself am happier than when I am with my boyfriend. I fancy him.
He worked very hard to please me.
But I'm either not too wet or I don't feel as good as when I made it myself. Or I getsore.
In order not to make him feel bad, I don't say anything and usually pretend to climax.
When I think about sex on my own, or reading, I get very wet and always climax.
I love him and don't want to let him down.
Why is it not working when we are together?
If you read your message back, you may already be able to find a big reason why it "doesn't work" when you're together.
You don't like having sex with your boyfriend, but you can't say anything.
I'll come up with ways to make you feel able to talk about what you want, but first of all, the good news is: You know what excites you.
When you are alone, you can relax yourself, fantasize about what you like, and touch yourself in a pleasant way, and you will reach your climax.
This is a great place to work when you try to experience similar pleasures with your boyfriend.
Can you think about what happens when you're alone? What won't happen when you're with your boyfriend?
For example: Or, do you rely on a specific method to guarantee a climax (
A location, touch, technology)
Have you changed?
It can be emphasized to note that when you are with him, there are special obstacles that hinder you.
In turn, you can consider possible solutions.
Apart from the above question, if you are already very anxious not to experience happiness or orgasm with your boyfriend, then you may have sex yourself more attractive than having sex with him.
It is difficult to predict that sex is positive when it becomes painful.
You're afraid it hurts.
You can't relax.
So whatever your partner does, you won't be opened.
It is understandable that he may feel that he has spent a lot of time and energy doing the right thing to get you off the bus.
However, if you don't tell him that these things don't work, if he thinks these things are valid (
Because you're pretending to be orgasm.
, Then he may go on, though it will actually either not help you or make you feel pain.
Some people are led to believe in sex alone (masturbation)
It's more effective or important than having sex with a partner.
Or it is disloyal or disrespectful to fantasize or touch yourself when you are with someone else.
Or if you specify what you want, you're asking too much.
All of this limits our chances of being happy.
If you don't have the confidence to say it, or don't know what to say, or feel that he will take the feedback badly, then the situation you are in is likely to continue.
Remember, he's not a psychic, and it's understandable that if you don't say what feels good or what doesn't work, then he will continue to do what he thinks works.
You say you don't want to let him down, but I suspect he will want you to put up with things you don't like so as not to hurt his feelings.
Again, the good news is that you already know what works for you when having sex alone.
You all care about each other very much.
You don't want to upset him.
He wants you excited.
You can use it to start a conversation about what you both like.
Ask him what he likes and want to do more.
Then suggest what you want to do.
If he does a lot of things you don't like, you might suggest other options or let him know that these things don't work for you.
Maybe you don't know what feels good, but if you're willing to explore happiness together-that's to talk, taste, look for, and find out what feels good everywhere (
Not just your genitals, but they are not ignored)
-Then you may find something different that you don't know you like.
Write it down if you are shy, or go through some sexual advice sites or books (
Link to in this reply)
It could be a way to share something you're interested in with him.
Or, since he wants to know what you like, and since you want him to be happy with pleasing you, you may decide to show him what you like.
This may include you touching yourself while he holds you, or while he looks at you, or when he touches you.
Some people like to share fantasies, which may be helpful as well, but this is not something that everyone can share.
If you 've been blocking your fantasies while you're with him, you can still think you're sexy.
It's up to you if you like to keep these ideas private.
You can also choose lubricants and sex toys.
Because you already have a reliable way to help you reach your orgasm, it may take longer to identify other things that feel good.
If you change the way you make love and try something else, you may prefer to have sex with him or experience orgasm.
But you might not.
Because for many of us, orgasm is not something that others often or always offer.
It doesn't make us defective or dysfunctional.
It's not a sign that we should re-train our bodies, nor if we can't reach orgasm through the touch of our partner, there's a problem with our sex life.
This means that you may find that when you are with him, you will be open to communication and willingness to try new things-or what you do through your boyfriend, what you do, or what do you do together?
But again, you may find it enjoyable to have sex with him, but the orgasm happens when you are alone.
Knowing this is an option, some people will be fine.
Some people are disappointed but accept that this is what happiness does to them.
Others are able to mix individual sex with partner sex and find that occasional or regular orgasms are effective.
Put pressure on yourself)
Every climax B)
Reaching a climax by having sex with a partner always makes it harder to relax and enjoy yourself.
Shifting your attention from the climax of your goal to a more honest, open and clear communication may be helpful to both of you.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working on international health care, research and interpersonal relationships.
She is the painful aunt of the telegram.
Follow her on Twitter @ drpetra.
Email your sexual and relationship questions with confidence: pain. aunt@telegraph. co.
UkPetra can't print the answer to every question submitted, but she does read all your emails.
Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you allow her to use your question as the basis for her column published online in Wonder Woman.
All questions will remain anonymous and key details, facts and numbers may change in order to protect your identity.
Petra can only answer based on the information you gave her, and her advice cannot replace medical, treatment, or legal advice.
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