I’m a virgin.
But I'm not in love, I just want to have sex before I find a man that suits me, and I'm starting to think about it all the time.
However, I seem to be the most promiscuous Virgin I know.
I have gone so far.
Almost everything else was done)
Approaching sex many times shows that I have the willpower to stop myself, but it's not fair to men.
I don't think I should lose my virginity to someone I don't love.
Is this really important?
Should I stay depressed and wait for Mr Right?
Thank you for sharing the common concerns of many women (and men).
Your long letter (
Published clips)
This is a real tangle of ideas and feelings that are common if you want to decide what to do in terms of sex.
I'll take them apart here to help you think about what you want to do next.
We assume that "sex" means "penis between vagina", which in turn defines virginity.
As it is now, you are a virgin if you do not have sexual intercourse.
But not everyone agrees, so some people think they are not virgins after enjoying oral sex or anal sex-while others enjoy many sexual experiences that do not include penetration, so it's sex.
"Sex is painful": a guide on what should I do to please my boyfriend?
When people are asked to say what "sex" means, they tell you a range of activities from masturbation, kissing to oral sex, anal sex, etc, share or fantasize or talk about what you want to do together, or the penis in vaginal sex.
In these choicesand more)
People will have something they particularly like, something they don't like, and something they procrastinate on.
Your long letter is clear about how your friends make love, but it is equally important that you do not.
Other readers may disagree that you are an active woman.
Instead of having a penis in vaginal intercourse, you enjoy a wider range of sexual pleasure.
You are clear that the area is divided into penetration and think it is "correct" and more importantly, quite different from other pleasant sexual experiences.
Why is that?
People often have this feeling because of cultural and social information from their peers, media, families, some form of sex education and religion.
You may find that writing down how you feel about sex and relationships helps you figure out where these ideas come from and how they affect you.
You said, "some of my friends have had sex and they told me to wait until I'm in Love" and "My mother wants me to wait until I find the" right person ", even me I know she wants me to wait until I get married and have sex again ".
So you hear clear information from people about how they think you should behave.
You may want to consider the reasons and ways their views have an impact on your behavior, and if that helps.
It's really useful to listen to friends and family, but it can sometimes make us more confused.
Aside from what others think you should do, can you consider these different scenarios? Imagine what happens if you do this: some people avoid penetration because they worry that it will be painful or inappropriate if it doesn't take a long time
Term relationship.
Others make positive and wise choices to share penetration with people who are special to them.
And more (
Especially young women)
If they do not have virginity to "provide", they will be negatively rated or considered less valuable.
Do these apply to you?
If that's the case, it would be a good idea to think about why you hold these points and how they might not help you.
You said, "I don't think I should lose my virginity to someone I don't love.
Is this really important?
Will I really regret it?
"Here, it may help you unlock the meaning of regret-is this because you feel like you have done something irreparable?
This may help you to consider if you have the same idea about the other pleasures you like so far, and if not, what is the difference between those pleasures?
If you struggle with anxiety or fear of potential regrets and/or if your concern about penetrating sex comes from past abuse or pain concerns, if you are in college, you might want to explore these with a consultant.
If you have difficulties, your GP can also introduce you to NHS advisors, although the waiting lists and availability vary across the UK.
You can also talk to people from Brooke, or find out more about sex and Chastity on the following website: You mentioned sexual frustration several times and asked if this was due to no penetration sex.
Maybe yes, you prefer to do something different now.
Or maybe you 've built relationships on things that are so important but impossible, and that makes you feel anxious instead.
Perhaps the fact that you have not yet decided is a sign that you are not ready yet.
It may be your frustration as well, if not more, about the kind of relationship you are experiencing.
This may help you to list for yourself what you want from a relationship and what you want to enjoy in a relationship, both short-term and long-term --term.
You can also talk to friends about what kind of relationship you might like.
Elsewhere in your letter, you mention how you deal with frustration, which may include your own sexual pleasure, including reading or writing fantasies, exploring masturbation, or considering sexual toys.
What I'm interested in is that you think your experience so far is "unfair" to men ". How so?
Did they tell you?
Or may they have enjoyed these experiences?
According to what you describe, you explore happiness together, but it doesn't end up in a relationship because you don't want it-they feel the same way about it, or get a pleasure
So why assume you owe them more?
For you, it is good to continue having sex without penetration, or to have penetration sex for a long time or beyond.
If this is what you want, the term relationship.
It may think about why you feel the need to provide something that you are not at all ready at the moment, which may affect your relationship choices and consider intimacy.
It may also help reflect on some of your other contradictory feelings, such as: "I am increasingly putting myself in a situation where I can have sex but can't because I don't think I should have sex ".
Writing down what is happening can help you see it more clearly-just like thinking about what advice you would give a friend who describes a similar situation.
Some have found that turning penetration into a big problem can lead them to decide to give up.
Others continue to delay until they feel completely ready.
If you have decided that this is a big problem for you for whatever reason, then you may be better suited to associate with someone you trust, and can communicate with it-whether you have a long-term relationship or not --
Long term relationship with them.
Since you describe being your current normal in the event that you may have sexual intercourse, it makes sense for you to organize your contraceptive methods (
Think about whether you have more secure sex with vaginal intercourse)
Just in case one day, in all these reflections, you will find yourself having penetrating sex.
When people write with questions like yours, it would be great if I could say "do it" and make a decision for them.
Usually this is not possible, it is absolutely true in your case.
I can't tell you what to do like your mom, friend or lover.
You can build relationships and sexuality based on your needs, preferences, and limitations.
You have carefully considered the fact that this is a good sign that you can come up with what you want.
Just like the ability you 've shown so far to negotiate the kind of sex you want.
Use these to help you in the future, but don't feel like you have to wait for a "right" person to have penetrating sex before you are ready, postpone until you get married, or avoid notString or long
Unless these are the ones that really appeal to you.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working on international health care, research and interpersonal relationships.
She is the painful aunt of the telegram.
Follow her on Twitter @ drpetra.
Email your sexual and relationship questions with confidence: pain. aunt@telegraph. co.
Petra UK can't print the answer to every question submitted, but she does read all your emails.
Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you allow her to use your question as the basis for her column published online in Wonder Woman.
All questions will remain anonymous and key details, facts and numbers may change in order to protect your identity.
Petra can only answer based on the information you gave her, and her advice cannot replace medical, treatment, or legal advice.