Vaginal sex has never been good for me.
Not particularly painful-
Just at the beginning, I felt numb and sick.
I always do this in love, but when my fiancé guessed that I didn't like it very much, we completely stopped.
That was a year ago.
We have explored other options since then and our sex life is great.
I found that the best way to get me to orgasm is through anal sex and using a vibrator on the clit.
I think my boyfriend prefers the vagina.
Last night I went to a speech about women, confidence and happiness.
Asked about anal sex, a speaker said it was just a funky thing --
No woman likes it;
Those who do this just pretend to be cool to make their boyfriend happy;
The man who wants it may be gay or bisexual.
They also say that this is a danger to health and can cause harm to your body, but there is no explanation of how it is done.
This made me very anxious. Should we stop?
I didn't attend the conversation you went.
But it's a real shame that you leave an event about "women, confidence and happiness" and feel worried and uncertain.
It is also unclear whether the speakers shared their own views on anal sex or whether they spoke in a more official educational capacity.
It doesn't matter anyway.
They may have reasons for disapproval of anal sex.
But they're not all accurate.
Anal sex is something people have done in history.
So it's not a "new" fashion.
That is to say, the open dialogue on anal sex has changed in recent years.
Part of the reason is that the discussion of anal sex is an essential part of sexual health care and sex education;
Part of the reason is that taboos change in things that are considered sexual "acceptable.
Not to mention the changes in the mainstream media. help and porn -
Where efforts are made to make the anal look fresh, avant-garde and exciting, the description of anal sex is becoming more and more common.
Being able to talk about anal sex like any other type of sex allows us to talk about happiness, choice, consent and happiness.
But it can also cause problems with anal sex as everyone should do something to make them look like they have an exciting exotic sex life.
This may explain the speaker at your event-he may be worried that some people are under pressure to make their partner happy and do something they don't like.
There are anecdotal reports and findings that suggest that people do feel stressed when they don't like anal sex, especially young women.
Here, anal sex is painful, degrading and risky.
So it may also be consistent with what you are told.
However, if someone is under pressure for any sex they do not like or feel painful, it is a concern.
This is not unique to the anus.
Any place where you are forced or forced to contact or penetrate to harm your body and emotions is wrong, and it is understandable that this may upset you.
There are also some people who think anal sex is degrading in itself.
Since it is often associated with men who have sex with men, disapproval of anal sex may be caused by internalisation (or overt)
Homophobic or homophobic;
or HIV stigma.
Or the connection with anal sex, tramp and poo also prevents its appeal to people who think it stinks or is dirty.
For the record, there are a lot of gay people who don't like anal sex at all and have never done so.
Wanting to penetrate a partner or be penetrated is not a sign that a man is gay or bisexual.
People of all genders and genders can enjoy anal sex.
It's like they don't want to try either, or decide to try it, but find out it's not theirs.
Anal sex is always at risk (
Because of oral or genital sex)
About infection (STIs)
If your partner is too rough, wounds, bruises or tears.
You can also be like e-
Put your finger, sex toy, or penis into your hips by edging or placing it into your vagina or mouth with E. coli or salmonella.
However, if you are relaxed, use a lubricant, use a tooth dam as a trim, cover his penis with a condom or a sex toy you use to penetrate (
Use new in different places-mouth, vagina or hips)
If there is anything uncomfortable to stop, then you should be fine.
However, if you are still not at ease, you can get more information about safer anal sex through Tristan Tolmino's ultimate guide to female anal sex.
You can get free advice if you are under 25 (
Condoms and dams)from Brook.
While enjoying the anus is clearly your preference and choice, I do want to know why you don't like vaginal sex.
You say "it's not particularly painful, I just feel numb and a little sick during this period ".
I don't want to convince you to do something you don't like, but if vaginal sex has always been a source of physical discomfort, it might be worth it to find out why, rather than ignoring it.
It may be that the past partner is not as careful as your fiancé.
Or this may be the physical cause of infiltration discomfort or subsequent numbness.
Make sure you are up to date with the smear check and the check in GU clinicif, it would be a good idea if you have the possibility of having STI --
Proceed with complete confidence.
Sometimes people feel "happy" as you describe it, because being touched in a specific place doesn't work for them.
But sometimes "fast" is synonymous with anxiety, fear, embarrassment, shame, or disgust.
This may be due to being told negative things about sex in the past.
Or not getting too much in sex education.
It may also be due to sexual abuse and/or genital trauma.
If the reason you avoid vaginal sex is due to past abuse, then NAPAC can provide support and treatment may be good for you.
It may be that vaginal sex will never be your thing.
But if there is a root cause to avoid, it is wise to explore and solve these problems.
Whether you want to have vaginal sex again or not.
You and your partner have obviously come up with what feels good to you, and you are certainly not the only one to experience a strong orgasm through a clit stimulation and anal penetration.
Based on your connection, you may also want to find something that feels good for you that doesn't involve penetration or genitals --focused sex.
Talking, kissing, hugging, sharing fantasies, exploring what kind of touch feels good on each of your bodies, broadens what happiness means to both of you.
You can get more ideas about what's good for both of you by: talking to your fiancé is also important because you mention that they are OK with the anus because you like it, but vaginal penetration may be preferred.
It's important to be sure your partner is really good with anal sex, just to make sure they don't agree --
Like you used to have vaginal sex.
If so, they would rather not do anal sex, you can explore oral sex together;
They may infiltrate you with straps or other sex toys.
I hope you can rest assured.
A shorter answer is "it works for you if it works for you ".
You don't have to set your sex life by someone else's standards.
But, as you do here, it's always a good idea to check that everything is safe and voluntary.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working on international health care, research and interpersonal relationships.
She is the painful aunt of the telegram.
Follow her on Twitter @ drpetra.
Email your sexual and relationship questions with confidence: pain. aunt@telegraph. co.
UkPetra can't print the answer to every question submitted, but she does read all your emails.
Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you allow her to use your question as the basis for her column published online in Wonder Woman.
All questions will remain anonymous and key details, facts and numbers may change in order to protect your identity.
Petra can only answer based on the information you gave her, and her advice cannot replace medical, treatment, or legal advice.
©2019 need help from telegram Media Group Co. , Ltd?
Visit our advertising Guide.