I have read that coming together is the ultimate climax experience.
We have been trying for a while but have not been successful.
Can you give me some advice?
I want the best sex for my wife.
I am very interested in your question, because although this was once a very popular idea --
A common annoyance is asking the painful aunt-we don't hear much these days.
Coming together, that is, the climax at the same time or in common, does not mean that both of you will come one after another soon --
Or one of you came earlier than the other.
It refers to the two of you reaching a climax at exactly the same time.
In addition to that, it almost always refers to this happening during penetration, vaginal penis, sex.
There are many different ways to experience happiness with this discount. and orgasm.
It also puts a lot of pressure on sex, which in turn promises to make orgasm more difficult.
That's why it's rare to get together.
This is more likely to happen by accident than design.
No matter how hard you work, it's hard to achieve --
As you found out
There are many good reasons why people think it is desirable, even necessary, to get together.
The idea of climax control or play is a big shift for many people.
It's also a personality challenge to see if they can reach orgasm at the same time.
Or they suspect this could be the ultimate sexual experience for all participants.
A sign of their sexual ability.
Some people feel that if they reach orgasm at the same time, it will bring them closer to their partner physically, emotionally or mentally.
While these ideas are not unreasonable at all, many of the reasons for wanting to come together are not so positive.
The wrong sex education may lead people to believe in how the climax happened.
They are under great pressure to experience not only the climax, but also the climax at the same time.
The concern is that you are taught to be pregnant only (
Or more likely to get pregnant)
If you two come at the same time
None of these things are true, but they may make people mistakenly think they can't get pregnant because neither of them comes at the same time.
Or do not seek support and advice for fertility difficulties because they blame them for the lack of a simultaneous orgasm rather than investigating other factors (
And indicate if other support is needed to try to get pregnant).
A common climax is also an important goal in pornographic and romantic novels.
Or be implied in the sexual scenes of many mainstream films.
Make this look like a normal, very satisfying thing.
They are also the favorite of porn films in which the climax will not only burst out loud, but will happen at the same time, two or more people will appear at the same time, apparently without difficulty or discussion.
There are many more things that can happen in sex than at the same time.
Some or all of these may be what you and your wife have already experienced: it's worth noting that if both of you are under pressure to get together, it's more likely to pretend to have an orgasm.
If one of you doesn't reach a climax, but the other is-
You don't want to let this person down, or just be exhausted and want to stop --
Then pretending to come at the same point is probably much easier than trying to coincide.
The answer to this question depends on what motivates you to try.
If you want to try the climax together because both of these ideas make you excited, go ahead.
In this case, you have to balance the challenge of not putting too much pressure on each other, so the climax is elusive, through very clear communication so that you can understand how you both feel.
It helps to set aside time to ensure privacy so you can try the best for you.
It may take a lot of trying to get together, but it may never happen.
So it's interesting to try this without expectation, and it will happen, or it's crucial to belittle the sex you're having because you're not coming together.
When doing sexual goals
Orientation is often a problem, and if this is the goal that you all strive to pursue, then you need to make sure that everything you do is focused on this and as exciting and enjoyable as possible.
Tell each other what feels good, watch each other's body closely, listen to each other's breathing, and make sure you do the key things you know --
Ons is more likely to help you reach your climax at the same time.
You may already know that specific positions, contacts, or different ways will make both of you happy, so it may also be beneficial to combine these together.
Bring as much as you can to help you-toys, lubricants, share fantasies, watch or read erotic, and more.
Remember, if only one of you is responsible for your two orgasms, it is simply impossible for both of you to come together, let alone be together.
If this is going to happen, it's a better choice to allow you both to explore as widely as possible what feels good.
This also means putting aside the idea that mutual orgasm is effective only when the penis occurs during vaginal sex.
This may work if it is something you particularly like.
But for many people, it can lead to orgasm by masturbation, oral sex, different postures, inserting an anus or vagina with a finger, toy, or penis.
I haven't listed many other twists yet, but you can find out.
Rhythm is important, just like telling each other how far you are from the climax.
So give each other clear instructions on what you need to help you feel good or touch yourself so you can control the feeling of pleasure.
None of this guarantees that you will experience the climax together, but regardless of the outcome of the climax, it may give you a better chance to maximize what feels good.
You obviously feel like this is a very important thing and it will enhance your sex life and you want to share this with your wife.
But did you ask her if this was what she wanted?
This may not work for her.
It may be your fantasy, but it's not her.
You may feel like this is the "right" way to have sex, or the purest or most real climax (it isn’t)
But that doesn't mean she feels the same way.
If it takes a long time to have sex because you try to make something happen and you don't realize it, she may feel pain or it may become more of a chore to have sex than
Or, if she wants this, but you're not very keen on orgasm, you may have a problem with it because you're trying not to come, but are anxious about how you perform, so orgasm comes more than you
Or lose your feelings because you feel the same pressure on her as you do.
Many people already have a hard time feeling that their sex life is not up to standard and are under pressure to perform and operate in a culture where sex is shown as acting or competing, we have been trying to meet unrealistic standards that are impossible.
In this case, it may be difficult for the orgasm to stop completely, not to mention letting you all experience the climax at the prompt.
There are many other things you can try if you want to enjoy more sex.
Talk about why you think this is important, and if you have something else you want, what you think this might bring to your relationship might stand out (e. g.
Pregnant, feeling closer).
The following resources can help you broaden your sexual mindset: If you want to keep trying because climax control and gaming are a big shift for both of you, then the above ideas may help.
However, if you try to orgasm together because you think it's the right thing, or mistakenly think it helps you get pregnant, hope you have a better idea of what you can try now.
Your relationship seems to be fine so far, so if it's not something you're all very keen on exploring, don't turn it into more deals than you need.
If it doesn't happen for both of you, then it's better to leave it and focus on all the other good things that you can all try to feel great.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and sex researcher working on international health care, research and interpersonal relationships.
She is the painful aunt of the telegram.
Follow her on Twitter @ drpetra.
Email your sexual and relationship questions with confidence: pain. aunt@telegraph. co.
UkPetra can't print the answer to every question submitted, but she does read all your emails.
Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you allow her to use your question as the basis for her column published online in Wonder Woman.
All questions will remain anonymous and key details, facts and numbers may change in order to protect your identity.
Petra can only answer based on the information you gave her, and her advice cannot replace medical, treatment, or legal advice.
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