I want to buy a vibrator to surprise my boyfriend.
What is the best way to do this?
I never used it before.
I suspect that when you surprise him with a vibrator, I am not the only one to imagine the scene. Leaving good-
Humor aside, let's focus on what's right for both of you.
What does he want?
We are often led from sexual advice books or articles to believe that everyone likes to have sex, so there is no need to clarify, which leads to unhelpful stereotypes, all men love that any sexual advice they offer will never have any questions or concerns.
If someone mentioned that he likes toys, it would be worth a chat.
If this is not something you have discussed, or you are even sure of what he wants to do, don't assume without asking.
He may have some anxiety-it's not uncommon for partners to worry that they will be replaced by vibrators or feel scared.
The resources associated with the following may reassure him here.
Or he may be very enthusiastic or may not be bothered about it.
Confession by a woman's magazine editor "my boyfriend will never climax" "My girlfriend has a mental health problem" "I am worried about my skin color" "I should show my boyfriend
"What if you experienced" drying "while having sex? What about you?
You said you haven't used a vibrator before.
This can be something you 've always wanted to try, or you think it's going to be a big shift for you.
Before introducing this idea to your boyfriend, you may want to explore using toys on your own.
Sometimes we feel the pressure of media and sex product manufacturers, and if we don't make love with boxes filled with gadgets by the bed often, then we feel bored or inadequate.
Before you offer to buy and use toys, be sure that this is something that will appeal to both of you.
If it turns out he's as sharp as you are, then it won't be a complete surprise if you get a toy, but, if needed, you can still control how and when to show him the elements that add suspense or anticipation.
It might be helpful to consider a toy because it involves your attention: it's also an opportunity to consider other things you might want to do (
Not having to involve only genital stimulation).
And other areas that strengthen your relationship.
You use the word "vibrator", but people can often use it to represent other "sex toys ".
Some sex toys are not designed for genitals at all, but may stimulate other parts of the body and can be used for entertainment, pain or restraint.
To reflect on it, you may all want something that is not suitable for genital games.
Or it could be genital irritation, but not a vibrator.
How do you want to use your toy?
Below is a link to some of the thoughtful resources offered by Cory Silverberg, who will tell you if you want to use toys: Where to buy sex toys that can be purchased online or in an adult store.
Some pharmacies sell a limited range of products.
Product quality and sales advice may vary.
Before you finally buy, you can shop at two stores where you sell toys, or you can consider different toys to meet your needs.
Looking for toys together and discussing this may be a turning point in itself.
Other issues to consider are that not everyone feels the toy is easy to use-especially in cases of inmobility or chronic pain.
Sex toy guides don't usually focus on different genitals.
This resource explains how to adjust the toy to your personal needs.
Lubricant toys can be very enjoyable, but it is important to avoid discomfort if you use lubricant on or around your genitals or hips.
Check if you have selected the lubricant that is suitable for the use of the toy.
Hygiene keep in mind that you need to keep your toys clean and if you swap between you or his ass and genitals then you may spread bugs.
It is a good idea to use different toys for anal and other stimuli, or if it is exchanged between holes or used with others, cover the toy in the shape of the penis with a condom.
Is there more information about hygiene here?
You have a couple of options, so after talking about toys, you may think they are your stuff: you may find toys to be an integral part of your sex life, especially when it comes to fantasyplay.
They can treat occasionally.
Or a product that is eventually discarded behind the sock drawer.
You may have to go around in order to find the right toy for you.
Both of you have to make a decision.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and a sex researcher in the field of international health care at University College London.
Petra research and interpersonal relationships are painful aunts of the Telegraph.
Follow her on Twitter @ drpetra.
Ask pain about your sex and relationships by email. aunt@telegraph. co.
Please note that Petra cannot respond or respond individually to each question.