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There is no doubt that marriage is often a difficult challenge for couples --
Young and older.
In fact, as most people know, 50% end up divorcing, and we don't know how many of the remaining 50% people have only lived "properly" since then.
When I was a young man, I threw my first marriage to the side of the road.
I was not married at the time;
As they say, I'm still sowing my wild oats, and marriage scares me anyway . . . . . . Well, that's true for serious relationships.
The story was too long to tell, but when I was 14 years old, I went through 4 or 5 times when my parents divorced and remarried.
They were a couple who ended up living together, but all the time in my childhood they were cracks in marriage.
As a result, I know a lot about the life of husband and wife.
When I finally reached a turning point in my life, I can let my early experience go through the past, no longer relive my parents' relationship and start my own life, I met a woman and fell in love,
It was more than thirty years ago and we were still as happy as we were on our wedding day.
Over the years, we have only two or three serious arguments, and there is not much disagreement.
I'm not saying there's no disagreement between us. we have plenty—
But we seldom argue for them, but try to see (
So understand)
Each other's views.
None of us tried to build our compatibility on the basis of consistency.
After all, we are two different people with different values that have grown from different experiences.
I started writing about marriage and relationships about 25 years ago.
I wrote a small book called tomorrow of the future, published by Abbey Publishing House, and later wrote a series of articles for the magazine call I worked. I think my (personal)
The motivation is that I am very excited about my great marriage, so I would like to share its "secret" with others ".
After all, I was the poster boy for the worst wedding candidate in the world long ago. Are there so-
There is a happy, fun marriage called "secret" there because many married couples don't really know how to get married.
First of all, each of us brings the experience of childhood into our relationship.
The inner child always wants to have his own way, what it wants when it wants.
When life is "mean" to us, we run to find our parents for comfort and safety.
When our spouse does not serve to "heal the wounds of our lives", we feel abandoned and disappointed at one level of consciousness or another.
That is to say, whatever the dispute is clearly, the underlying anger is usually due to the fact that our partner has not eliminated the pain or made us happy.
For example, we can't afford to pay the bill, or we have to buy something we can't afford.
On the psychological level, or sometimes on the surface of our thinking, we blame our partner for problems in our lives.
I wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for him or her.
About this doctor Kinder and Cowen told us, "The truth is that it is much easier to blame others for doing something that is not quite right than to look inward and realize that we are the only one who can ultimately change our experience.
With this in mind, we will explore the building of lasting, happy and interesting marriage relationships.
Readers, I will tell you that there must be three main, very simple "secrets" to achieve these positive goals, and I will share them with you in this article. (
I call them secrets because whenever I share them with married couples it seems to give them a "ah-ha” moment;
The expression that spread the discovery to the face.
If you don't know these "secrets" yet, I hope your eureka moments are equally inspiring).
Why are most marriages unhappy?
When we date our partner, our relationship with them is "fun ".
That is to say, we talk about "interesting" things and we do interesting things together.
It is clear that we have no obligation and no serious responsibility to share.
We are free to simply "play together" and as a result both of your children are very satisfied and happy.
And, don't delude yourself, it doesn't matter if you're 20 or 50, you're still an extension of your childhood self.
You still respond to the world from your childhood experiences, no matter who you are, when you walk down the aisle of marriage, you spend your childhood with you, and so does your partner.
There are exceptions, of course, but husbands and wives often measure the maturity of their partner based on how much they identify with their values.
In fact, this is the basis for countless divorces because many husbands and wives are very immature and they create the option of "my way or the highway" in their relationship.
Nevertheless, the fact is that we men and women hold different values and world views because we are (surprise)
Different genders, different purposes, are given to us by culture and nature.
In fact, the question that husband and wife often ask is, why can't you have such an obvious answer, like me, that we don't need to discuss.
First of all, we all know that we don't share anything when we are dating (real)
Take responsibility together
One of the main reasons couples get married is to develop their partnership through acquisitions and financial gains.
After all, the ultimate goal of marriage is safety and comfort.
Unless one or both parties in a military relationship are rich, "security" and "comfort" usually do not come easily.
But some readers ask what happiness is?
In addition to business partnerships, readers must stop thinking about marriage.
Marriage is never about love, sex, and happiness except in the myth of marriage.
Marriage is all about happiness.
I 've written all of this before, but the main reason I'm discussing these topics here is to tell interested readers, the secret person is consciously able to integrate the problems and challenges of the partnership with the problems and challenges of the relationship.
For example, if the husband took his weekly salary and messed up on a track that didn't matter.
This is a partnership issue.
If the wife says to her husband, I don't like you anymore, it's a matter of relationship.
If you can't afford to pay your rent or car, your partnership will fail --
Not your relationship.
If you identify your partner and/or your relationship with credit card debt, leaking sinks, bald tires on cars, dirty plates, the overgrown lawn or anything else that belongs to your marriage relationship, you either live in unhappiness or end up in a divorce court.
For example, we assume that the wife or husband goes out and charges $5,000 for some kind of toy that is not only stupid but affordable.
You know, the husband showed up with a motorcycle he didn't need, or the wife bought a table or the expensive curtains she wanted.
These are issues of partnership, and as business people deal with business issues, they need to be dealt with objectively. (
I remember a few years ago I had a partner at a theater company who refused to pay for the necessary permits that the city had asked us to obtain because of some regulations.
Her stubborn refusal to pay almost cost us the theater and I was very angry at her refusal to comply with the city's choice.
I yelled, fist fists, but when our meeting was over, we went out for dinner together and talked about other things.
We put business problems behind us, and we all realize that it's beyond our relationship).
My wife and I sometimes talk about our challenges and struggles for hours, but once the conversation is over, we leave with any conclusions we make as a partner and return to our relationship.
This brings us the "secret" 2.
Why are so many relationships getting sour?
The two married couples in secret are significantly different.
For example, my wife has values that I don't have, and I have values that she doesn't have.
The idea that some married couples are two peas in a pod is pure myth --
In short, couples who get along well when it comes to each other's whimsy, traits, and personality quirks --
We all have!
As they said, I did something that drove my wife crazy.
She also did something that annoyed me.
We never talk about these things, we never think about them.
Hey, we're not all perfect, okay, your partner is not perfect either, just like you are.
Your goal is not to change him or her.
Unless you actually know everything about each other and love each other anyway, you will never really have a great marriage.
Anyway, if you really want a positive change in marriage, start with you!
Going back to Kinder and Cowan for a moment, they told us that as long as we thought "change" was something our partner should do, we would fail in any attempt to improve our marriage.
Trust is the main cohesive factor for all marriages.
If there is no trust, there will be no honest communication . . . . . . No free and fun sex . . . . . . There is no satisfaction in either a marriage relationship or a relationship, when we think of trust, our minds usually cheat and so on.
Of course, all sincere married people want to feel safe in their intimate behavior.
But romantic/sexual dedication is not the only way to trust marriage.
Trust outside the bedroom door begins with how we treat each other.
If we name and devalue each other when we are arguing and/or angry, disappointed or frustrated, we create distrust.
Even if married couples choose to forgive each other after a serious "quarrel" and celebrate a reunion in the bedroom.
The unconscious mind does not forget the name and/or demeaning that occurred earlier, even weeks, months or years ago.
I am not saying, to say, that husband and wife will never "vent ".
We all know there's a lot of crazy.
The makers of life forced us all to a wall and pushed traffic to tragedy.
And we all live in a world full of uncertainty, so the pressure is getting bigger and bigger, and sometimes the simplest things can leave us.
OK, this is a given, but too many couples have developed the habit of influencing each other in the world.
The reunion of the family and marriage is to escape the trauma of daily life, not to extend their lives.
Over the years, I have often cited the message of Carl Menninger, because it is so important that married couples seize it and consciously give it human action.
He said "partners provide enough support and encouragement to each other as part of the marriage function that is necessary for relieving the trauma and frustration encountered by everyone in their daily lives.
"This brings a different challenge to the couple.
Everyone and every gender respond differently to the world --
We all have our own unique values and levels of stress.
I really heard a married man tell his wife that she feels "stupid" about some way ".
It is so blind to make such a judgment that one can only shake his head --
However, this happened between many couples.
For a husband or wife, assuming that their values are more valuable, smarter, and healthier than their partner, is to obey each other with self
Being appointed Superior is a real troublemaker in any marriage.
This leads to the second "secret ".
"This is the most obvious and easiest way to have a relationship of happiness, happiness and satisfaction, but few married couples follow it.
The secret is: remember to be better to each other.
Yes, a lot of married people forget this --
Just a little better for each other.
Some married people are more friendly and understanding to strangers than to their partners.
I am thinking every day about how to make my wife's day better, and my wife is always doing something that makes my day better.
The same is true of marriage.
On the other hand, "Make You Happy" is definitely not the responsibility of your partner.
This is a trouble-
So many couple manufacturers.
In fact, a smart cowboy and kind man pointed out --
Marriage is never an antidote to personal difficulties or unhappiness. Getting Along—
When we are single, we are usually only responsible for ourselves, which can be described as freedom.
We do what we want. we do what we want.
Once we grow up, we don't have to care about our parents or anyone else for this matter anymore.
Most couples believe that they have to give up this freedom and give it to their partner. This too is (or can be)
A big trouble.
Creator of marriage
Life is hard, yes, not making marriage another link in a chain of events is enough to enslave a part of everyday life
Married people must give up their own interests for the sake of what is called "our" interests, and this idea is far more destructive to relationships than constructive.
It is normal for husbands and wives to have activities they like and activities they each like.
One of the main conditions to make dating so interesting is to find out what the other has been doing to enjoy yourself.
If married couples are only doing things together, then they have nothing to talk about since "sharing" has happened in human action.
The wife who hates her husband's Sunday golf match and the husband who hates his wife's Sunday tennis match or lunch with his girlfriend create a huge emotional distance.
It really doesn't matter if the husband and the child stay at home, while the wife just does something to enjoy.
When the husband is busy doing what he likes to do, it really doesn't matter if the wife washes the car.
The great marriage conversation begins with the question of how your game goes . . . . . . How is your project going . . . . . . What did you do today.
Hope that our partners enjoy their personal life is a major way to be friendly to them ,. . . . . . It also makes us happier together and together.
A huge problem for countless married people is communication.
First of all, communication is usually a series of problems-
Bills, debts, financial concerns and all the negatives that almost all of us have endured.
The problem is that if all or most of what we're talking about is a problem, soon the couple won't want to talk anymore.
During the dating/mating period of the relationship, you enjoy each other's company because it is usually positive, fun and uplifting.
You not only share your reality, but also care about each other's "feelings" about life and life ".
You will be able to dream together without the accusations of doubt and judgment on wishful thinking.
We don't even have a decent TV. how can we do business by ourselves?
When the husband and wife begin to reflect only the negative effects of the relationship, what they desire but do not have, difficulties, lack of celebration, and so on, the couple will be separated.
Hi dear, I'm home . . . . . . The utility bill came in today.
Hi dear, I have a great time shopping today . . . . . . The utility bill is here today.
The truth is that many married couples are caught in the trap of saying only negative things.
They talk about the mistakes and the lack in their lives and rarely talk about the right and the lack in their lives . . . . . . Just like each other!
When we do these things "with each other", we create a negative environment that often turns potential great conversations and sharing into terrible arguments.
This leads to the third "secret", which is also the most important in many ways.
Some research tells us that,most)
Couples argue more than 300 times a year.
My guess is that most of these arguments are financial issues directly or indirectly.
Not all disputes are serious, of course, but many become actual "battles ".
The more couples "fight", the more separated they are.
Then the question is: what secrets can be avoided between husband and wife.
The answer is to focus on solving problems instead of solving each other.
For a couple, sit down and discuss their bills or other difficulties and allow the conversation to evolve into an argument, from there into a serious struggle, which always includes accusations and accusations.
So I can't repeat this: Fight against your problems, not each other!
Once you have developed such a habit, your marriage will lose most of the tension and anxiety.
Hey, you're in the same world as your partner.
You all bleed, you all have fear, you all live in uncertainty, you all want more than you, you all . . . . . .
So when you start discussing issues with your partner, never ignore reminding yourself that you're talking to an ally . . . . . . The person opposite you, if you want, is on the same boat as you
To sum up, I really believe that the three "secrets" I am talking about are the three cornerstones of a happy, lasting and safe marriage.
The fourth cornerstone, perhaps most important, is a marriage that truly desires happiness, lasting and safe.
In fact, it is not enough to say that you want your marriage to be happier or more satisfied . . . . . . You must put these aspirations into human action.
If you want a happier marriage, don't wait for your partner to change his or her attitude and show happiness . . . . . . Show happiness if you want fun . . . . . . If you want to make more intimacy more intimate . . . . . . Stop judging so much if you want to stop disagreeing.
If you want to feel more love from your partner, give your partner more love.
Stop waiting for your partner to act
Your positive change will bring about a change, just like a negative attraction.
I think: 1. to really build a good marriage.
You must really be willing to separate your marriage (
About your marriage)
Your marriage relationship.
Unity of your marriage). 2.
To put it simply, be a little better for your partner.
What can you do today to eliminate a little pain;
Make his or her day better and happier
Finally, learn to fight with your problems, not with each other.
Never personalise by accusing or accusing your partner of being the source of the problem, even if he or she is, the business of marriage.
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