Christina Fenn and her husband Brian drove for an hour and a half to an antique coffee shop in Monroe, Connecticut.
While sipping the latte she had in the morning, Finn hurried out of the window of the parking lot.
She grabbed her husband's arm and said, "I'm nervous . ". “Nervous-Excited though.
He came back with a smile.
She's wearing a lucky green color.
Green shirt, green jacket, green bracelet, green socks.
She felt that she needed all her luck today.
"They are here," said her husband, who stood up to meet two men coming towards them.
Bill Johnson and Kraig Wiedenfeld have been married for 18 years and four years.
Everyone embraced warmly.
They are an unlikely group of four: two gay people from the Upper East Side of New York and one small-
The town couple met at a donut shop at the age of 20.
If everything goes as planned, Christina Fenn will be pregnant with Johnson and Wiedenfeld's son by lunch time.
The embryos produced by the sperm of Wiedenfeld and the egg of the anonymous donor will be thawed and transferred to Fenn's uterus, and she will be treated as "PUPO "--
Until proof of pregnancy.
"Let's have children!
"Wiedenfeld said.
They all laughed nervously.
The couple drove in their respective cars to the CT Fertility Center and the clinic was only five minutes away from us.
This is not Fenn's first visit to the clinic.
As an agent for the other two babies, she proudly gave birth to three babies, including a pair of twins --sex couples.
She went to examination room 3, and Johnson and Springfield went to a waiting area until they were transferred.
CT fertility doctor Melvin Thornton sat down with dad and said, "you have a beautiful embryo hatching --"to-be.
He explained a series of examinations to ensure that the embryos transferred today are their embryos.
The situation is growing at an ideal rate, he said, and he believes the operation will go smoothly.
He outlined how to implant the embryo into the uterus of Fenn and told them that the success rate of the operation was 80%.
Under a microscope in a room below the hall, the embryo looks like a collection of bubbles wrapped in larger bubbles.
In the same room, Finn was lying on an examination table in a hospital gown, wearing a horse stir on his feet and a bed sheet on his lower body.
She held her husband's hand as Wiedenfeld and Johnson were brought into the room and looked behind her.
"Let's get started," Thornton said . " Nurses are all around.
"I'm transferring embryos now.
Looking at the display, you will see a small dot on the screen, "he told his father --to-be.
That's your baby boy.
Johnson and weddenfield are very close to their nephews, and they are excited about the genetic test of the embryo that shows a boy is about to be born.
When Thornton began to implant, there was sweat on Johnson's forehead.
His husband, too overwhelmed, was obsessed with himself with a booklet about IVF.
Embryo surgery in 5 minutes.
The nurse and doctor congratulated the intended father and surrogate.
Everyone in the small room was happy, hugged and grinned.
"It's the craziest thing I 've ever done," Wiedenfeld said in a deep breath . ".
"She's pregnant with my baby.
The fennes then returned home to their two children in Hebron, Connecticut, while Thornfield and Johnson drove to their apartment in Manhattan, where they had already started
After 9 Days, Fenn was tested for pregnancy: the result was positive.
It's a small part of the way but more and more gay men have children.
While surrogacy seems to be the story of gay father's hope and happy ending, the same --
Sexual partners who choose to have their biological children in this way face legal barriers, medical complications and huge costs.
It takes time.
The surrogate experience can be extended to more than three years, says Ron Poole, but from the expected parent to decide to have a surrogate to give birth, the average is 20 months.
Dayan, a non-profit organization that helps gay people become fathers, is the head of male children.
On July 2017, Finn and his father met through a surrogate agency.
Surrogacy is not common in the United States, and with the help of surrogate mothers, fewer than 1,400 babies are born each year, including gay and heterosexual couples.
Surrogacy and guardianship laws vary widely across states.
That's why for many, the first step in the process is to find a place where it's legal to pay for an agent.
"It's almost never happened that you have an agent willing to raise a child without compensation for a family she doesn't know.
"This is very rare," said Brian Esser, a New York surrogate lawyer . ".
He said the compensation for experienced surrogators could be $40,000, most of which are usually paid after the birth of the child.
It's illegal to hire someone as an agent in New York, so Wiedenfeld and Johnson have to go somewhere else.
Fortunately, a surrogate agency pairs them with people nearby.
Like in the case of Wiedenfeld and Johnson, most gay surrogacy arrangements include fertilization of eggs donated by a woman with the expected father's sperm, and then injecting the embryo into the second carrying fetus
This requires a donor, a father with fertility and a surrogate.
This is the effort of the team.
For Johnson and Chesterfield, it is quite simple to choose which of them is their biological father.
Of the two children, Wiedenfeld places more emphasis on his child's biological relationship with him, while Johnson is just excited about the prospect of becoming a father, especially if the baby has a biological connection with her husband.
Although Fenn and her husband have nothing to do with the embryos that grow in her body biologically, they agree to appear in court after 27 weeks of pregnancy and give up their parents' rights, leave for Johnson and Springfield for free.
Having children through surrogacy involves choice, Poole-
Dayan noted that the increasingly uncommon traditional approach is that a woman carrying a pregnancy is biologically related to a child or to a pregnant surrogate she does not have; known vs.
Those who donate eggs anonymously;
Use of surrogacy
Independent arrangement.
But the most important thing is Poole.
Geese and other experts say surrogate and intended parents must agree on how they see their relationship.
While some prospective parents wish to keep distance after the birth of the child, some agents seek to maintain close contact with parents and children.
Donors must also choose whether to remain anonymous or establish relationships.
Regardless of the agreement, the site is often packed with lawyers who intend to father, agent and donor;
A doctor who is a surrogate, egg donor, and implant;
And the representative of the institution that connects these participants.
There is a price tag for each link.
Esser said that although surrogacy contracts are different, but the standard cost includes about $25,000 in agency fees, $10,000 in egg donor agency fees, $30,000 in test-tube babies and legal fees that may start at $10,000.
In addition to the baby's post-birth compensation, the surrogate will also receive a cost of about $1,000 per embryo transfer, regardless of whether it will succeed in pregnancy.
Other expenses include travel expenses, maternal health care, health insurance for surrogacy people, lost labor costs for surrogacy people (and their spouses), and postpartum milk sucking.
Wiedenfeld and Johnson are prepared for their expensive surrogacy. They have well-
Wiedenfeld, born and raised in Texas, is a public relations worker;
Johnson, from Rhode Island, graduated from Princeton University and is the president of a brand. Identity agent
However, they were surprised by the pace of cost growth.
Initially, they were told to pay about $50,000, but the cost soared several times.
"I think the estimates for many institutions are very low," Esser said . " So the actual cost could be shocking.
After witnessing the implant for a month, Wiedenfeld circled around the empty nursery in their elegant apartment.
"Planes, animals, or cars," he asked . "
"I want our baby to have the coolest wallpaper.
"Kraig, let's not take the lead," Johnson warned . ".
Unlike his husband, he was hesitant to celebrate Finn's pregnancy.
There are still possibilities of miscarriage.
After all, the 80% success rate they were told meant 20% failure.
For the couple who did not have a careful wedding, having children is an important sign of ending their relationship.
"Children are our marriage to some extent.
This will really take us to a new level . "
"This child will be everything. It just is.
The couple often send Fenn flowers and gifts as they thank their agents.
"Yes, she was paid, but it's still a matter that involves a lot of altruism," Johnson said . ".
Their game is the result of luck and timing.
Finn recently told her agency that she will have another surrogate, but only open to a passionate and loving gay couple within 100 miles, throughout the process, they will have a strong relationship with her.
After their second son was born in 2009, Finn and her husband were satisfied with their four families.
They opened a restaurant, an Irish bar and restaurant.
But soon, Finn, who likes to get pregnant, is eager to feel that way again.
The problem is: "I want to get pregnant, but I don't want to have a baby," she said . ".
"When I was pregnant, I felt that it was best for me to take care of myself.
I know more about how I support myself.
I am more conscious of the activities I do.
I eat more vitamins and drink more water.
I just feel like my body is so connected to my self.
"Surrogacy becomes a solution that satisfies both her desire for pregnancy and helps those who can't do what she can.
Pay is not part of her motivation, she said.
Finn didn't want to disclose her financial arrangements, but she confirmed that Esther's estimate was on the court.
There is a general misconception, she said, that the agent is mainly driven by money, but at least in her circle of agents, it is not true.
She said that given the strong emotional and physical effort needed as an agent, there must be something bigger.
In her case, from the experience of a close family member, there is also knowledge of how heartbreaking it is to want a child but not to have one.
"In fact, it's very misleading to suggest that people do this for money when you break it down into time spent ".
In order to become a surrogate, Fenn conducted a few months of testing at the surrogate agency, including 600-
Psychological examination of the problem and sufficient-body screening.
"For health and psychological reasons, only one out of every ten women is eligible for surrogacy," said Robin Fleischner, a New York surrogate lawyer . ".
She was often asked why she was willing to be an agent.
She said, "How can you give up this child? This is the biggest problem for everyone . ".
"It's a hurtful problem because it means we're cold and don't love babies born through surrogacy.
But this is not my child, and I know this very well throughout the process.
You are so connected when you are pregnant with your own child.
You really like that baby when you're a surrogate, but there's a disconnect.
Necessary disconnection.
"In fact, she said that the closest contact was with the parents --to-
Be a baby for so long.
Finn has agreed to do surrogacy only for gay couples.
She is wary of heterosexual couples fighting infertility.
"They usually don't want to be in contact with a surrogate after birth, and it is said [that] is very well controlled during pregnancy," Fenn said . ", She often hears this emotion in her circle of agents.
A month after the embryo was implanted, Fenn returned to the CT fertility center for ultrasound.
Wiedenfeld and Johnson came through FaceTime.
However, the visit was not as optimistic as it was for the first time: CT fertility doctor Thornton scanned Fen's abdomen and found no signs of fetal heartbeat;
No embryos.
Finn, weddenfield and Johnson were both deeply disappointed and shocked.
"The excitement is so high for such a heavy disappointment," Finn said between tears.
A few days later, Wiedenfeld said, "You think everything is going your way because it feels like you're going your way.
But that's not something anyone can control.
Still, he is hopeful that there will be a child in the future: "We are sad but optimistic.
Under the contract, the couple and Fenn agreed to make three attempts during pregnancy.
"We will all continue our second successful transfer," Finn vowed . ".
"When the child really comes, we will be more grateful to him," Wiedenfeld said . ".
"What we are willing to go through reinforces our desire for this.
They tried again six months later.
Return to the CT fertility center in green dress, 35 years old Fenns-Christina and 39 years old Brian
Sitting in the waiting room with Johnson and videnfield.
This time, Fenn's best friend, a surrogate companion, joined them.
After losing her embryo for 13 weeks of pregnancy, she also transferred for a second time.
For everyone involved, the time between transfers is emotionally difficult.
Fenn said she was frustrated with her body and couldn't understand why the pregnancy didn't hold on and why it took so long for her to get pregnant again.
She knows that things are not easy for men.
"I did give them some space," Fenn said . ".
"I know they are not unhappy with me, but I don't think it would be appropriate to continue to reopen the wound.
We waited until we were all emotionally prepared to get back in touch.
"I will not lose sleep because of this, I will let it go.
"I need to make time happen," Wiedenfeld said . ".
"It's strange that we're almost married to the timeline.
"There was a glitch before the second transfer started.
Thornton found that the embryos he expected to use did not grow properly.
Fortunately, two frozen embryos still exist in three
The thaw was delayed by one hour and implanted in Fenn.
"I feel great," Finn said, despite the frustration . ".
"We look very positive.
They all went home.
After a miscarriage, weddenfield and Johnson, 39 and 46, did not want to rekindle their hopes.
As many people who crave babies can tell you, the best things that desire, hope, prayer, healthy life and medicine provide sometimes don't work.
Shortly after the second embryo was implanted with Fenn, she found her hCG level
Pregnancy indicators-aren’t rising.
The embryo is not growing.
The second attempt failed.
This is a result of emotional exhaustion, but there is still hope.
After all, an embryo still exists and Finn, in her usual optimistic way, is ready to be transplanted again in September.
Maybe, maybe soon after, two men who are eager to form a family finally have their own children.