\"It\'s painful to have sex, and I often bleed after that.
I don\'t like it but I don\'t know how to change things and I\'m scared.
\"You may be relieved to learn that you are not alone.
This is one of the most common questions I have been asked.
Here are just a few recent examples of other people with similar concerns: I answered similar questions in the first suggestion column of Wonder Woman, it pays more attention to the causes that can cause pain and bleeding.
Take a look at the questions above that are similar to yours and you can figure out the ones you can use to help yourself.
Every time I have sex, it hurts me, and every time I have sex, I bleed. What if you experience \"drying\" while having sex? Avoid using how often you have sex to measure your sex life it will help if you try to figure out what makes things so painful and why.
Do you mean \"sex\" like a penis in vaginal sex or something?
For example, do you feel pain when you masturbate?
Or do you accept oral sex?
Or anal sex?
Is this inside or outside of your vagina, buttocks or another part of your genitals when you bleed?
It can help you think about where you feel pain-will it affect all your genitals?
Specific areas such as the clit, labia, urethra, vagina or other genital area, genital area, or buttocks.
Do you experience more pain in the vagina or hip or feel more like something with a stomachache?
How do you describe the pain?
Is it constant or does it come and go?
Does this happen at any other time or only during/after sex?
Can you think of anything that could cause pain?
For example, recovery after birth (
Especially if you do a genital incision).
Is it related to any kind of touch?
For example, all of your genital areas are sensitive or you find it particularly sensitive (
Fingers, sex toys, penis, etc)
Especially where is the pain or bleeding?
You don\'t want to ignore bleeding during or after sex, but can you again identify any possible causes?
For example, you may be about to start your period.
You could be dry.
More will be introduced later).
Your partner may have scratched you with untrimmed nails, or clumsy or rough when touching you.
Bleeding is not uncommon during pregnancy-will you be pregnant?
Do you have STI?
Where did the bleeding come from?
What does the blood look like, how long does it last, is it accompanied by pain?
You may find it helpful to list all the symptoms and possible causes you have found-either review when you noticed the problem or write a diary.
This information may be important if you end up seeking medical help or treatment.
What do you do when you experience pain?
Pain often seems to be related to a specific location.
While some people find that any type of penetration behavior is uncomfortable, it seems to cause more discomfort in the general position where more penetration is allowed.
If you have a partner with a large penis (long or wide)
This can cause pain and you may need to find together the most comfortable position for you.
No matter where you are in penetration, including quick insertion (
Toy, penis or finger)
Or infiltration for a long time (
Vagina or hip)
It can cause discomfort or pain.
Can you consider a more pleasant, less painful choice?
Although all of these are painful, you can also enjoy it.
If so, limiting the number of things you do or changing the time you do it may solve the problem.
You often feel wet in this situation, but still do something uncomfortable (see above).
It may also be that you feel wet, but not everything is turned on, or that you are anxious about something painful.
This may be because it\'s still not enough to satisfy the kind of sex you\'re enjoying when you feel wet.
It may be worth trying the lubricant, but don\'t cover up any pain.
Some lubricants also make things worse, so if you\'re \"wet\" because you\'re using a lot of lubricants, but it\'s still painful, so, it may be better to try an alternative or investigate possible allergies.
When pain is caused by dryness, it may be due to some of the problems listed above, or factors such as breastfeeding, vaginal shaping, menopause, or side effects of certain drugs.
This may be due to the general anxiety that the feeling has not been opened, about pain or other related issues.
You may feel very excited, but do not have good lubrication, or get wet but dry soon.
Again, the lubricant may be useful here as it is exploring what brings you joy and spending as much time as possible in this regard.
In questions about pain and bleeding, I have heard one or two sentences repeatedly, indicating that people with problems are still having sex, even though it is painful.
If that\'s the case, it\'s worth noting why this is the case?
Usually, this is because sex may not be painful at the time, but it will only be obvious after that.
Or people hope it won\'t hurt this time.
Or, not all encounters can lead to bleeding or pain-if so, it can help you consider what is different between the experience that leads to pain and bleeding and the experience that does not lead to pain and bleeding.
The stress of having perfect sex and pleasing a partner, or feeling guilty for not providing enough sex, makes people feel obligated to have sex, although it is not pleasant.
It is painful for some women in culture to think that her happiness is wrong or irrelevant and may cause her to have sex, because she doesn\'t feel happy-or there are very few worries about her being miserable.
That said, unless this is part of the BDSM that you all enjoy together, most partners don\'t want you to experience pain and bleeding.
Have you ever shared that it\'s painful to have sex and you bleed?
If so, what is the reaction? (
If you feel you can\'t ask such a sensitive question, here are the resources for communication).
If you\'re in a relationship that doesn\'t dare to say it, or you\'re forced to have sex, or your partner deliberately hurts you, or lets you bleed and abuse you, then you may want to ask for help from the National Domestic Violence helpline or the Broken Rainbow.
Although it is painful to do so, what is relevant to the question of doing so is that sex is not pleasant.
In this case, people usually say that they stop having sex because of pain or bleeding, or that these factors prevent the pleasure of sex.
Don\'t you feel sexual desire or interest at all?
In this case, it may be worth considering if you are asexsexual.
If you think you want to have sex, but there are obstacles, can you list what they might be?
Some women with disabilities reported a lack of desire due to pain and dryness.
Others may be recovering from past sexual abuse, or being taught that sex is bad or dirty, or suffering physical or psychological trauma after any form of genital surgery.
These things can be addressed through treatment or clinical care (see below).
What will make it more enjoyable?
Write everything down.
Reading books such as Paul Joannides\'s Getting Started Guide allows you to have some ideas about what you want to try or revisit.
While Carol Quinn\'s performance with shy people may help you better ask for what you like.
When you ask yourself this question, you may answer it with \"no\", in which case treatment may cause you to find out the possible reasons and the actions you may take.
If your relationship is struggling with lack of attraction, debate, jealousy, or other obstacles, it\'s no surprise that you may not want to be close to your partner.
If communication is difficult (
Even if you usually get along well)
Then, telling your partner what you will like or that they are hurting you can also become tricky or even impossible.
Meg Barker\'s rewrite of the rules and the couple\'s connection to the \"hearing room\" with the free online service are all great places to start solving potential relationship issues.
You will also benefit if your budget allows for relationship treatment.
People with these concerns often tell me that they feel scared, lonely, inadequate, or fail because of pain or bleeding.
This in turn affects confidence and communication.
You can find courses about communication and self-confidence in your library or adult education center.
Or Gary Wood\'s confidence Karma, which includes activities and reflection exercises that help you feel stronger and more able to express your needs and feelings.
I have checked out/I am fine so is there any problem?
Sometimes people have a clear health check (e. g.
Pelvic examination, smear or scan)
There is nothing wrong as a \"proof\", so keep having sex even if it hurts or causes bleeding.
Other issues are not excluded simply because there are no obvious physical reasons-many of them are listed above.
Instead of continuing to have sex because the doctor says you\'re okay, focus on those.
Try another self if you continue to experience pain and bleeding
It is worth having a second medical opinion on the care solution to ensure that there are no potential issues that have been missed before.
The other side of checking but still having sex is painful, from those who are afraid of checking or hearing bad news, and they will not ask for help at all.
It is worth noting that most of the time, painful sexual behavior is caused by non-
Medical issues listed above.
If this is a medical problem, it may be an easy-to-treat condition such as thrush, or bacterial vaginal disease.
Sexually transmitted infections usually cause pain and bleeding, as do some other diseases.
If you are afraid of having a serious problem, or if your partner finds STI, the sooner you look at a doctor, the faster you can get treatment and support.
This may not have a physical problem, but your doctor can still recommend you a therapist on the NHS (
Waiting times and availability vary across the UK).
For readers of countries that are more difficult to get this guide from the West, this may benefit you.
Remember, your doctor used to hear this concern from a lot of people, not judging you, and not telling others why you are asking for help.
Transgender and transgender people are often overlooked in these discussions.
It is wrong to generalize all the trans experiences, but if you are trans or trans, many of the suggestions made here may help with pain or bleeding.
If you are still worried, you can also seek health care advice or treatment.
Hopefully there is enough information here that you can help yourself through treatment, sexual health care or general practitioners, or seek additional support as needed.
When you try to figure out the exact cause and plan to deal with these issues, it may be better for you to completely avoid anything that is causing you pain.
Petra Boynton is a social psychologist and a sex researcher in the field of international health care at University College London.
Petra research and interpersonal relationships are painful aunts of the Telegraph.
Follow her on Twitter @ drpetra.
Ask pain about your sex and relationships by email. aunt@telegraph. co.
Petra, UK, cannot respond or answer each question individually.
Please note that by submitting your question to Petra, you allow her to use your question as the basis for her next column published in Wonder Woman.
She may not be able to tell you that she is using your question, but she will try to email you a reply if she uses your question.
All questions will remain anonymous and key details, facts and numbers may change in order to protect your identity.